is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
