I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
