I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
