God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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