i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
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It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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