I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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