She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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