I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
