my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
