Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
