i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
