I wannas sexs uuuuu
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
