You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The power of my boobs compel you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
