I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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