I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
