No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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