I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
