I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
