he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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