I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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