I wish I could teleport
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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