Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
