I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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