Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
