its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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