and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
