okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
