i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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