Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it glows. i had to have it.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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