I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
