Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Holy shit dude........stairs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
