We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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