mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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