Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
