I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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