ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
