Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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