I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
