Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
