You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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