Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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