Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
