I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
