He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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