Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
