I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
