Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
