her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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