were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
