sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
