I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
