Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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