Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
