can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
