You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No subtext here. People are naked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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