I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
