I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
