After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
