dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
