I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
