After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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