Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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