My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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