mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
should my penis look like a turkey
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
