Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
