I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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