I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
