epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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