Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
