girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
