May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
