Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
