Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wear drunk well.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
