I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
