I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
