Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
People in love make me want to vomit
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
