why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
