He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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