ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
