Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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