so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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